It is the nineteenth anniversary of Elitistreview! This will be the 1629th post on my organ and up until this post I have written 776,102 words. I have actually written a lot more than that but The Editor has made me cut out most of the jokes about what a shithole Peterborough is.
Next year is the significant anniversary, I will have to try and find a 2005 wine to review. I could arrange some form of event – let me know if you have any ideas! This year I have chosen Champagne Pierre Gerbais Grains de Celles 2019. It is actually a non-vintage, but the winemaker sticks a base vintage year on it even though it has not quite been aged on lees long enough to count as a vintage fizz.
So this comes from the 2019 vintage and was disgorged in April 2022, a few months shy of the required three years for vintage fizz. But it has a ‘19’ on the label so will do for this minor anniversary.
The unusual thing about this Gerbais Grains de Celles is that is it 25% Pinot Blanc. The rest is more conventional: 50% Pinot Noir and 25% Chardonnay.
Let us pop and toast Elitistreview’s 19th anniversary!
Champagne Grains de Celles 2019, Pierre Gerbais
This has a good nose. The slightly fat fruitiness of Pinot Blanc is obvious here – quite attractive. It is not terribly autolytic or toasty, but that fruit is good and I think I will move onto tasting it immediately!
Jesus Christ! What a car crash of horribleness! Where to begin…
For a start, Gerbais Grains de Celles is as rough as something an Australian might take onto a cricket pitch. Both the mousse and the acidity are really coarse. Reminds me slightly of lemonade vomit, if I am honest – which I am, always.
Then there is an incredibly nasty solvent flavour. I do not often drink solvents, but it tastes like kit glue smells. If this had been present on the nose, I would have risked instant death by smelling it. Honestly, how can people make wine like this?
Finally, Gerbais Grains de Celles is as dirty as the syringe-covered lawn of Peterborough Cathedral (ha! Got one in!). There are no words for this beyond ‘disgusting’.
I left most of it in my glass because I did not want to drink it, and after half an hour or so it had deteriorated as much as the quality of writing on Elitistreview.
How totally dreadful! Well, with that in mind, crappy anniversary, Elitistreview. I am going to brush my teeth to get the flavour of this filth out of my mouth.
Definitely do not buy the bottle of 2019 and the bottle of 2020 that will be appearing on Lay and Wheeler’s website in a few days.
Happy anniversary. I quite often buy wines based on your reviews – Black Chalk, Naude, Stark Conde, Lionnet and Colombier to name a few. I will skip this one.
Long may you continue.
Thank you! All excellent choices, as is skipping this load of old rubbish. My remaining two bottles are now for sale on L&W’s site. I told them how crap they were.
Congratulations on reaching this milestone and thank you for years of honest, witty and interesting writing.
Thank you, Jonathan. Honest, yes, interesting and witty are open for debate!