Ah no! The awfulness of it!

Real Perry (pear cider) can be quite delicious. This stuff, on the other hand, is actively repellent. I spit on the Jersey Cider Company for producing such evil filth.

St. Helier Pear Cider, 5%

Pale green colour. The nose is like essence of pear drops, incredibly confected and artificial. I can only imagine the temperature control system they used during fermentation to get it smelling this vile. Honestly, it smells utterly disgusting. The palate is similarly horrible, with flavours that remind me of vomit after consuming too many sweets and sugary fizzy drinks. If I attempt to raise the tone of this note above vomit, I’d say the closest drink I’ve had that tastes like this is apple-flavour Tango, and that really was the devil’s own jizz*. I could not finish the bottle of that I purchased, and frankly I’d rather have all my teeth extracted without anaesthetic than drink another mouthful of this disgusting slur on the great name of alcoholic drinks.

*Yes, I realise moving from vomit to jizz isn’t really raising the tone.