The National Health Service have set up a swine ‘flu helpline.
I called it but all I heard was crackling.
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I am a very charming insane person who is very well-endowed with academic epidemiology and professional wine qualifications. I am extremely generous with my opinions and bodily function references. Fifth top red trouser wearer in the international wine trade. I am the author of the first 800,000 words on here spread over 20 years of continuous publication.
You know you’ve got swine flu if your body is covered in rashers, but it is a pig to catch.
If you catch it you get taken to hospital in a hambulance and get treated with oinkment.
Sorry.