Let us be in no doubt, orbs can provide remarkable pleasure for what is seems a relatively simple serving of meat combined with ovum. However, to make this nibble a success there is skill required in preparation and selection of ingredients. Any old rubbish cooked any old way simply will not do. This is why Marks and Spencer’s orbs are rubbish and Sainsburys’ orbs are shameful lumps of disgust. The orbs Dani has been working on for the past few weeks have pleasured me immensely.

And on that note, I will lean over to the next desk and harass Dani for his recipe: you will need:
500g sausage meat
5 eggs + 1 for adhesive purposes
Breadcrumbs
Flour
Salt and pepper
Several litres of vegetable oil for deep fat frying

The instructions:

Make sure the sausage meat and eggs are all at room temperature.

First boil the eggs. Put the eggs in a pan of cold salted water. Bring to the boil as quickly as possible, then reduce the heat to a simmer. The length of time to boil the eggs depends on the size of the eggs and whether they were at room temperature. For medium eggs I’d suggest simmering them for 4 minutes, for large ones around 5.

Cool the eggs under cold running water for at least 10-15 minutes.

Carefully peel the eggs.

Put the sausage meat in a bowl, add a lot of salt and black pepper and mix together. If the sausage meat is coarse you may want to add a little olive oil to make mixing and shaping it easier.

Sprinkle some flour on a plate and season with a lot of black pepper and salt.

Pour some bread crumbs into a soup plate.

Beat the sixth egg in another soup plate.

To assemble an orb:

Take one fifth of the sausage meat, shape it into a ball and then flatten it to a thin patty of about 13 x 10 cm.

Roll the egg in the flour and spice mixture, coating as much of it as possible.

Shape the sausage meat around the egg. Make sure it covers the entire egg evenly.

Roll the sausage meat covered egg in the beaten egg, then coat it with breadcrumbs. You probably want to pour some bread crumbs on top and roll it around a few times, then press gently to make all the breadcrumbs stick.

Place the orb on a plate, and continue with the remaining ones. If you don’t want to cook the orbs straight away, you can put the plate in the fridge until the time you do.

Frying the orbs:

Heat vegetable oil to 175 degrees. Make sure there is enough oil to fully cover the orbs.

Place two orbs into the deep fat fryer and fry for 6-8 minutes, until they are a beautiful golden brown. You may want to turn the egg over once or twice whilst cooking to ensure a uniform colour.

Repeat with the three remaining eggs.

Many thanks Dani. I can assure you all he has successfully manipulated orbs in this manner on many occasions.

As with all food, quality of ingredients matters. We have experimented with egg suppliers and meat-mongers.

If you must buy eggs from a supermarket the ones to get are undoubtedly Clarence Court Mabel Pearman’s Burford Browns which you can get online from Ocado or in Mr Waitrose’s fine supermarkets. Burford Browns are delicious eggs and, even if they are not as fresh as when my mother had a couple of the fowl in her back garden, it’s great to be able to buy such quality ova from a supermarket and even get them delivered to your home after the slight effort of visiting a website. These eggs work a treat for constructing orbs and you should not be ashamed of using them.

It’s far better if you have quality layers within strolling distance. A stand in the brilliant Hampshire Farmers’ Market sells free-range eggs from Kings Somborne. These eggs won the Radio Solent prize for best tasting eggs (what an odd piece of radio that taste-test must have been) and they are utterly corking. They’re really top quality, taste great and, as I have an eye for a fresh egg, these never disappoint when I crack one for a Full English. You can tell a fresh egg by the degree of association between the white and yolk; the less fresh the egg the more separated and runny the white will be. A good, fresh egg has a thick white in a firm disc around the yolk. These were truly stunning as the basis for orbs and we will endeavor to only source Kings Sombourne eggs until we can find an even better producer – remember, the limits of pleasure are yet to be defined or reached (even with eggs).

Meat is quite naturally a serious consideration when thinking of orbs. We tried sausagemeat from Greenfield Pork Products, Hampshire’s supreme sausage champion, and it just wasn’t quite good enough. It seemed a bit too minced and of slightly slimy texture. It needed an awfully large amount of seasoning to get the best flavour out of it, and even then it just didn’t quite make orbs of maximal quality.

Sausage meat from Beechcroft farm, on the other hand, blew our minds with its class and taste. This is the stuff that goes into their Old English chipolatas you may recall me waxing lyrical about. The evidently superior quality of this meat made for incredibly enjoyable orbs and our guest on the first night we made these commented after noshing through two of them that he never imagined humble orbs could provide so much satisfaction.

The general rule I’d suggest for sausage meat is a relatively high meat content with not too much rusk (although there is no shame in having rusk as it is an important binder). Beechcroft’s sausagemeat is 83% pork which seems about right to me. You also want it to come from an interesting and tasty breed of pig, not some boring Danish swine. Beechcroft have Oxford Sandy and Blacks and these really taste fantastic. It’d worth trying to find some Mangalitsa pig sausagemeat as these taste mind-blowing.

As far as drinks go beer would suit this great pub bar snack. I’d go for a bitter and hoppy golden ale, pale ale or IPA. Those thick, malty, soupy, 5%+ real ales are almost invariably nauseating. Bit of refreshing bitterness would work a treat, and I think some Gueuze would be a great match as well.

Obviously I rather like wine with my food so I would suggest a vigorous and young Burgundy that has plenty of fruit and good acidity to compliment the fatty richness of orbs. We first had them with some Christophe Roumier Chambolle-Musigny and the 2007 was a far better food match than the 2009. Young Nuits or Morey would also be a good match but I wouldn’t go for anything too grand. If you are weird enough not to like Pinot then head to the Loire valley for a Cabernet Franc, they have the bright fruit and acidity. Bernard Baudry’s Chinons are delicious. If you want a white wine I’d suggest a Sancerre, Jean-Laurent ‘Le Homme’ Vacheron’s are best (his reds, also listed on the page I link to here, would also be a treat).

Finally, you’ll need some condiments. Mustard is a must: go for Taylors – the first prepared mustard to be sold on the English market. I also got a rather large amount of pleasure with some freshly prepared aioli (here’s my recipe for aioli). Another stunner I got from Beechcroft Farms’ farm shop, but they also have a stand in Hampshire Farmers’ Markets, is Perfect Pickles Red Hot Tomato Chutney. Being a relatively recent convert to ginger I was stunned by how much I enjoyed this and how well it went with the orbs.

My personal favourite accompaniment to orbs is a pickled onion. Perfect Pickles examples are floridly brilliant and I cannot recommend them highly enough. If you cannot make it to a market in this area drop Perfect Pickles’ boss man Dwayne an email (here) and tell him you want to get your hands on his peerless onions as David Strange says they’re the kangaroo’s knackers.

I hope that provides you with a reasonably good overview of the pleasures orbs can provide. Naturally, if you want more information about orbs, the place to go is Forevereggsploring where Mr Constable will furnish you with all the orb facts you need to know. Do make, eat and enjoy these wholesome snacks; they are a great treat to brighten any day!

It is great that it is now possible to obtain tins of confit duck gizzards in this country – mine came from the online supermarket Ocado. A tin will provide enough meat for two salads for those of solid constitution or three-to-four people who find joyful excess worrying. Weirdos. Gesiers are also great to serve timid diners because, whilst they’ll think a salad sounds quite boring enough, as soon as you mention they’ll be eating gizzards the look of horror that appears on their faces is uncharitably enjoyable.

Generally, economy is the art of spending money without having any fun. However this dish has mirth-potential and yet it’ll cost less than some babyfood-in-bread-style supermarket sandwiches. Most of them are the ‘egg and cress’-type of pap eaten at lunchtime by type of people who think the government are their parents to assist their mental regression to helpless infants. They are disgusting sandwiches and lamentable people – I detest both.

The gesiers cost £4.99 per tin from Ocado, and that is a reasonably expensive brand. Salad costs pence, as long as you don’t buy it in bags from supermarkets – pre-washed, chopped and chlorine-infused for your convenience. Even if you buy it in bags, as I often do as it’d be bad for my reputation to have too much salad in the flat and it’d probably give me cancer, it’s still cheap. The dressing requires more expensive ingredients but so little of them the cost per salad is trivial. The fat the gizzards are preserved in can be kept to make wonderful roast potatoes, so it is thrifty all round. As I often have to remind people (quite why I don’t know): Elitistreview is about enjoying the best, not the most expensive. I’m happy to suggest brilliance at bargain prices.

The recipe:
Tip the tin of gizzards into a small frying pan and put over a low heat just to warm them through and allow you to decant off the liquefied fat. Mix up a salad dressing, as much as you need (I generally make far too much and end up eating the excess with a spoon whilst no one is looking), with the following constituents. 1 part balsamic vinegar, 3 parts decent Italian extra-virgin olive oil, 1 part melted duck fat from the pan of gesiers, a splat of strong mustard, a grind of fresh pepper and a little salt. Beat these together in a cup or small bowl with a fork, it’ll probably go somewhat thick which is quite pleasing and makes it easier to dip your finger into to test you’ve got the balance right. Pour this over a selection of leaves that are as tasty as you can manage without getting too interested in the stuff and give it a good mix. Put some dressed salad on a plate for each person and then drop as many gesiers as fairness allows on top of it. Eat whilst making guttural noises of pleasuring yourself with warm, rich, mouth-filling meat. Dead easy, eh?

A final note to readers in Blighty with access to brilliant Ocado: they are currently having a sale on goods from the same brand as these gizzards – buy two or more Reflets de France items and get money off. Naturally I bought enough tins of gesiers to ensure I’ll eat more salads in the next month than I have in the past five years, but I also got some of the Corsican pork pate pictured left. It’s slightly intestinal but I’d give it a try if I were you. It’s only money and good food makes us happy!
Happy is best!

I have largely stopped eating lunch (apart from the odd banh mi from Viet Baguette here in Woolwich when I absolutely must have a quality lunch; the opening of this sandwich shop has improved Woolwich quite markedly) which I have found to be staggeringly difficult. I do not wish to whine about this excessively, as taking this medication has improved my life no end, but the anti-psychotic I am on to deal with my paranoid schizophrenia (Olanzapine) has the side effect of making one mind-bendingly, toe-curlingly hungry all the bloody time. Someone other than me might say that the hunger induced by Olanzapine makes ‘the munchies’ feel quite insignificant and utterly tolerable, but I wouldn’t know about that. The first time I was on it, about seven years ago, I’d go out and buy two packets of sandwiches for lunch, horse them down and then think “Oh I’d like some cake now”.

[image image_id="2208" link="false" align="left" title="Hot and sour beef salad"] Our main effort on the calorie-controlling front is eating more sensibly. The partner does not have his post-work, pre-dinner sandwiches any more and the dinners we eat are less focussed on high butter content (less [link2post id="647"]mash, oh no!). Tonight’s (somewhat early) dinner was a perfect example: hot and sour beef salad. [link2post id="1452"]Here is the recipe and see right for a picture. It is a characterful, interesting and totally satisfying dish. The ultimately pleasing ‘almost raw’, top-quality fillet steak-action that we all enjoy is present, combined with the hot and sour flavours of chilli, Thai fish sauce (nam pla) and lime juice. It may be perilously low in calories, but by cripes is it fun to eat.

Missing Attachment I’ve blogged about hating salad in the past (here are my suggestions for improving more mundane salads) but in this one the salad element is quite minimalist. I would not suggest adding more lettuce, even if you are perverse enough to like it, as it is the most carcinogenic food per unit serving there is (see the last link about mundane salads). When I’ve served this and other salads of a similar character to guests I usually warn them not to eat the green bits.

So is this somewhat lighter eating pattern successful? Indeed it is! Since the end of November when we started this I have lost a shade over a most satisfactory 7kg. This is pretty good going, I feel. The partner has lost even more and I am incredibly proud of him for doing so. But sod losing weight as an excuse; hot and sour beef salad is a great dish any time you feel like a simple but characterful and highly gratifying meal.

Rump Steak with Sauce Nivernaise

Ingredients

1 kg rump steak from the Ginger Pig
salt

Sauce Nivernaise

225g butter
1 tbsp. white wine
2 tbsp. white wine vinegar
2 egg yolks
100g cooked and chopped snails (about two dozen)
1 tsp. chopped parsley
2 cloves garlic, crushed
salt and Cayenne pepper
lemon juice to taste

First, make a hollandaise base. To do this, clarify the butter in a small sauce pan, and separate the golden butter from the milky solids and foam.

Pour the wine and the vinegar into a non-reactive pan, and reduce until there is about one tablespoon of liquid left.

Pour the vinegar wine reduction into a bowl, and stir in the egg yolks. Slowly whisk in the clarified butter (a hand held mixer works very well, especially with the balloon whisk attachment), until all the butter is absorbed and the sauce thickens.

Then stir in the finely chopped snails, the chopped parsley and the crushed garlic. Season to taste with some salt and cayenne pepper. Add some lemon juice if you want a little more acidity.

We like our meat very rare, so I cooked the steaks in a cast-iron grill pan for two minutes a side, then wrapped them in foil to rest for five minutes before serving.

Mr Corrigan suggests serving this with a watercress salad and chips. Given the quantity of meat purchased we were happy with just the meat and sauce on this occasion.

The verdict

The sauce was a revelation. The combination of the buttery texture and flavour with the earthy grassiness of the snails and the not inconsiderable garlic finish was very successful.

We think the sauce would work even better with sirloin steak (especially on the bone), or with a trimmed rack of lamb.

Our version last night was further improved as we couldn’t find a small tin of snails, so we used the drained snails from a jar of Godard’s Cassolette d’Escargots au Beurre Truffé. They imparted a subtle but highly pleasurable character to the sauce. The next time we make this sauce, we’ll definitely use fresh snails and shaved black truffle.

2kg boned shoulder of lamb
400ml fresh chicken stock
150ml white wine
3 onions roughly chopped
2 sticks of celery chopped
2 carrots chopped
A couple of sprigs of rosemary
A couple of strips of lemon zest
A slug of olive oil
7 cloves of garlic peeled and crushed

Get your oven up to 160 Celsius. Into an oven-safe stew pot put the slug of oil then add the onions, garlic, celery and carrots then fry them over a medium heat until the onions begin to colour. Put the shoulder of lamb into the pot, add the stock, wine, lemon zest and rosemary. Then put a lid on it, stick it in the pre-heated oven for 2.5-3 hours, then carve it up and nosh with great delight. We served this with baked potato mash which was just lovely.

Isn’t that simple? It was a totally brilliant dish, especially satisfying as we just made the recipe up. Having a really good bit of lamb was undoubtedly the way forward. Mr T used to cook brilliant pot-roast lamb back in Oxford, a dish I had missed. This will be a regular dish on the menu.

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