I started off tasting the Crawford River wines from Western Victoria, being shown by their delightful winemaker Belinda Thomson (right). I found her Rieslings to be rather toothsome. The 2009, the current release, was vivacious and well-balanced. The fruit was attractive and ripe with not the slightest hint of the Australian Riesling curse (smelling of fly-spray) and it had vibrant acid levels that I was informed were natural with none added artificially. The other Riesling on show was Crawford River’s museum release 2005. I found this still to be rather youthful, only subtle hints of ageing were discernible. As with the 2009 I liked its juicy fruit and ebullient tartness (it was also not acidified). These may not have been the most complex wines in the world but provide solid drinking at their price-point of around a tenner. Also on offer were Crawford River’s Cabernet based wines. I shouldn’t really comment on these as Cabernet rarely engages my passions, but I did find them to be a shade lacking dimension.

At the next table I got chatting to Steve Flamsteed (left), winemaker at Giant Steps in the Yarra Valley. Long time readers will know that, at least in the form of Mac Forbes’ production, the Yarra Valley can make delicious wines. I was delighted to hear he vinified each vineyard separately and used natural yeasts for the fermentations, rightly stating that the part of the terrior definition of a wine is the microfauna present in the vineyard. He had three 2008 Chardonnays on show and I preferred the Tarraford vineyard as I thought it had a satisfying degree of restraint and was heading in the direction of displaying some finesse. I rather liked his single vineyard Pinot Noirs which provide good value drinking with a degree of interest at £12-14 a bottle. Go for the Sexton vineyard which has a solid structure to support its pretty fruit.

The Pinot Gris from Akarua in Central Otago, New Zealand was probably their best wine; indeed it was one of the best New Zealand Pinot Gris I’ve tasted. It had a density of fruit that a good Alsace Pinot Gris would feel proud to sport. Coupled with its direct acidity it resulted in this being a perky, refreshingly sapid wine that one could drink all afternoon. And what better thing is there to be doing of an afternoon other than drinking? Great value for a few pence over ten fun tokens (ie. £10.42 per bottle). Akarua’s Pinot Noirs were undemanding quaffers, totally faultless but not delivering much more than a pleasantly fruity chucking bevvie. The 2009 Reserve Pinot had a definite but not entirely unpleasant taste of cough mixture. If you fancy some affordable New World Pinot stick to Giant Steps.

I sauntered about the room in an anfractuous style to see what wines I could chance upon and found some lewdly good kit. Foreau‘s Vouvrays are always expressions of eccentric brilliance. The 2009 Sec had one of the most peculiar characters I’ve ever encountered in a Loire Chenin Blanc: it was distinctly fruity. A fruity Vouvray, odd, eh? It just reeked of lovely ripe pears. The palate had a great interplay between this pear character and frighteningly searing acidity. Yeah, great stuff! The 2007 Demi-Sec was more classical Vouvray; damp, fungal, decay-themed aromas with stunning acidity and some residual sugar. This may sound repulsive but when you experience them combining synergistically in a bottle of top bunny Vouvray the result is a delectation-dealing whole of mind-mincing sophistication. Foreau’s 2007 Demi-Sec is such a wine, my mind was well and truly minced. For £13.25 and £14.25 a bottle respectively these are weird but winning indulgences at unmissable prices.

I’ve been told that 2009 Beaujolais can be serious and I’m pleased I finally got to try some, some seductive ones at that. At £8.50 the Beaujolais l’Ancien Vieilles Vignes from Jean-Paul Brun was deliciously fruit-tastic bargain of really quite louche proportions. I liked its depth of character for such a despised appellation. His Morgon les Terres Dorees showed quality in more lewdly enjoyable style and is well worth a tenner a bottle. The one I’d go for is Jean-Marc Despres‘ Fleurie la Madone. At £9.42 it showed real complexity with a solid and satisfying structure to match its abundent, ambrosial fruit. This was a seriously good Beaujolais and I bleeding loved it.

Finally, I drifted by the Marsannay producer Sylvain Pataille‘s (right) table. Marsannay has rarely yanked my bell-pull but Sylvain’s efforts blew my underwear off. Firstly he had a Marsannay Blanc 2006 which was made with 50% Chardonnay Rosé. This is a crazily rare grape variety, only one hectare is planted in the whole of the Cote d’Or, which has a more overt and aromatic flavour profile than ordinary Chardonnay. Indeed, it was explosive on the nose with lots of round, polished, Pinot Gris-like fragrances on the nose and a buxom but harmonious palate with a wonderful, powerful fruit. Certainly a bit of an oddity but at £14.17 a bottle it would be a great and affordable wine for those after a bit of a change from their normal Chardonnay experiences.

Until yesterday I didn’t think I’d ever see this construction being used: his Bourgogne Passetoutgrains 2008 was stunning. Not stunningly complex but entrancing with its well-titted-out fruit which gave it a character that just demanded to be ravished by all who smell it. A lot of Gamay in it, but clearly some mystical Gamay of smack my arse up quality. A joyful wine that you’d have to be pretty miserable not to love. The price for this delight: £9 a bottle, a steal.

The last wine I tried from M. Pataille was a 2007 Marsannay Rouge ‘la Montagne’. This was proper Burgundy that ostentatiously flashed the fruity delight of the 2007 vintage with beauteous, desirable panache. £15 a bottle for Burgundy of this scrummy quality is a good offer to be taking up. At this point the scariness of being in large crowds of people got too much for this nutcase reporter and I skulked home to the safety of quietness.

I knew O W Loeb had quality wines on their list but I was rather chuffed to see they could also do value. Elitistreview is concerned about quality above all other considerations including cash, but I feel very happy to recommend these wines suitable for the yawningly empty of bank account. Whip out your blower, give them a bell and and buy some!

O W Loeb, 3 Archie Street, London SE1 3JT Telephone: 0207 234 0385

1. ^[1] I will admit that at midnight I suddenly felt so spent I had to give up and go to bed. I was asleep within 30 seconds of my head hitting the pillow, which made a nice change ↩

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I have a hard time with super-sweet wines, they are just so over-whelming and exhausting. If I am obliged to drink such a wine I think Lang’s offerings, particularly the Scheurebe (known as Samling 88 in Austria), are well worth battling your way through; you might even have some fun when you drink them.

Chablis Premier Cru Fourchaume ‘Vignoble de Vaulorent’ 2005, Domaine William Fevre

Cripes, this is a nose to wallow in and let it engulf you with its layers of powerful complexity. It is very nutty, with a smoky, flinty minerality and plenty of super refined ripe lemon fruit. It has real scale, though, really impressive presence and is certainly not short on dimension. I bloody love sniffing this, it has the density of a Grand Cru but the finesse of a top, screamingly beautiful Premier Cru. The palate is ultra-sophisticated Premier Cru in character, beguilingly lively, vivid, and expressive. It is bursting with a delicious lemon character and its intricate minerality is a total joy to taste. It certainly has puissance, but this seems secondary to its finely-honed, cultured style which just pulses with elegance. It is already a splendid drink of aesthetic brilliance but I can see it continuing to evolve if carefully cellared, providing multi-faceted pleasures for those who have enough bottles to follow its development over the medium to long term. Yeah man, this is tits!

Samling 88 Trockenbeerenauslese 2006, Lang

This is orange, but not a worrying shade of orange – good. It doesn’t smell even remotely oxidised but is charged with grapefruit aromas and plenty of peaches and cream botrytis characters. It is not exactly complex, but it has more character than a lot of these super sweeties. It is very sweet, sugar-tastic, but there is plenty of tasty fruit and just about enough acidity to stop it from being overblown and flabby. Again, it doesn’t seem bursting with dimension yet it is not without interest. I’m pleased it is not just a sugary wine; I feel it is a better drink than, for example, those god-awful Alois Kracher confections which are just an appalling fight of thankless drudgery to plough through when you are served a glass by some over-enthusiastic, easily impressed fan of raw sweetness. I despise Kracher wines, this Lang has more harmony and provides more drinking enjoyment.

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That being said, there is a slight downside to buying Nuits: you have to cellar the grown-up examples for a serious amount of time. One of the Gouges 1999s we opened was, whilst obviously being nipple-nibblingly quality kit, really rather backward and tough. I still loved it; I see a place for drinking such bottles when they are in a stage of evolution which gives you a good pummelling. For those tuned to less bruisingly intense experiences definitely age them – lots of age, don’t hold back. Or rather do hold back, restrain your urges to drink lovely Burgundy.

Our final wine was a break from the Burgundy theme, a svelte Hermitage kindly supplied by Guy. I rather like Hermitage and this, whilst not a Chave or Jaboulet of old, was a delightfully masculine presence on the palate.

Nuits-Saint-Georges Clos de Fourches 2004, Domaine Mugnier

As I am smelling this for the first time it does seem reasonably pretty in terms of fruit character, but I’m getting a slightly reductive quality which is a mite varnishy and not entirely lovely. I’ll swirl it a lot. Oh good, the fruit is now fresher and the chemical aromas have gone. I’d never guess this was a Nuits from the nose. Ah I might do from the palate. It has the powerful structure of a Nuits but, as this is Nuits de chez Chambolle, it has a refined, minimalist beauty which definitely speaks about where it was vinified slightly more than where the grapes were grown. It is a perfectly enjoyable, reasonably stylish bottle of Nuits, but its not tumescent with mind-buggering complexity. Ignore what I said above, this is a wine that doesn’t need any more age. Decant it for an hour or two in advance and enjoy its lively energy.

Nuits-Saint-Georges Premier Cru les Saint-Georges 1999, Domaine Henri Gouges

Ooh cripes, this smells terribly lovely. Chock-full of ravishing, lewdly desirable fruit together with a rich earthiness and one hell of a lot of class. It throbs with multi-dimensional, stylish aromas which I know will make this a joy to drink. The dark fruit character and powerful soil action make this nose very Nuits in character and utterly beguiling for the lover of engaging experiences. It has a powerful structure which is a shade on the tough side, but this, together with its impeccably ripe fruit and harmonious acid levels, make it burst energy and vigour. The finish is extraordinarily long – yum, that is how I like it. Sure, it is a smidgen on the burly side but the overall impression I’m getting from this is that it is engorged with sybaritic thrills and dissolute gratification. Just beginning to show some magisterial maturity but has a very long life ahead of it so no rush to pop your bottles.

Nuits-Saint-Georges Premier Cru les Saint-Georges 1999, Domaine Robert Chevillon

Pissflaps, it is bloody knackered. I love Chevillon and expected gustatory plasma storms from this but my Chevillon fix will have to wait until another time. Bugger.

Nuits-Saint-Georges Premier Cru Vaucrains 1999, Domaine Henri Gouges

This is a deep, brooding nose of restrained animation. Much swirling and sniffing are rewarding me with layers of powerfully ripe fruit intertwined with a commanding earthy character. I’ve got to swirl a lot, though, it is not letting its profound sensuality out from its strapping frame without a fight. This nose is complex and stylish but more than that it is definitely on the closed and youthful side. The palate is tough and unyielding too. The tannins are certainly robust, tough almost, but it does have enough fruit, acid and minerality to give it the balance required see it through this brawny phase if given more time in the cellar. Its flavours persist for an impressive period after swallowing. This is a great bottle of wine, but it really does need a lot longer for all its elements to resolve into something more enchanting.

Chablis Premier Cru Vaillons 2008, Jean-Paul and Benoit Droin

This is incredibly estery and banana themed, smells more like Condrieu than Chablis. I don’t really like Condrieu. As I smell this I am really struggling to find any lemony fruit or gun-flint characters, it is just so young it is all primary aromas. The palate has some good acidity and reasonable weight, but again the flavours are all out of the banana essence bottle of flavouring. It is just a waste drinking Chablis when it is so quaquaversally young, when in this state they are not enjoyable or typical.

Hermitage 1989, Bernard Faurie

This is a luxuriantly ripe Hermitage nose; the well-titted-out character of the vintage shines through and charges the aromas with a polished roundness. The fruit is ripe but soft in a mature style which compliments its powerful pepperiness and lavish, extravagant earthy sophistication. This is a highly attractive Hermitage nose which suggests it is in a perfect stage of accessibility. The palate is certainly ripe and accessible, but there is more than enough Hermitage manliness in terms of its bold but ripe tannic structure, sumptuous minerality and substantial spicy pepper character for this to be a reasonably serious example of the appellation. There is good, but not awe-inspiring, complexity and it is really rather long. Certainly fully mature but no real rush to drink up, Hermitage can perform for longer than a sex-starved twenty-something with a bottle of Viagra. Ultimately it is perhaps not the most utterly scintillating bottle of Hermitage, but it is a real goodie; I’m drinking this with a big grin slapped across my face. Thanks Guy!

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I am fully aware that roasting meat to be served over an extended period of time is a difficult thing to manage. Some restaurants manage it admirably, but it seems that the Dial Arch’s strategy is to place the meat under the rocket exhausts of the Space Shuttle until all character apart from that of leather has been incinerated out of it. Take the beef I ordered (left). I was served two slices of ludicrously overdone meat which had more in common with the material scuba-divers’ flippers are made from rather than tasty bits of animal. They were so tough chewing them was a strain. Their maltreatment in the kitchen also left them disgustingly dried out and lacking any discernible flavour. I couldn’t finish them.

Daniel’s lamb was of a similarly cooked to oblivion so there was not the slightest hint of pink to be found. He also reported that the texture was somewhere between Spontex wipes and chamois leather and so scored highly on the ‘repugnant’ scale. How depressing to treat meat with so little care and attention; those animals that gave their all so that we might have a decent lunch had their efforts thrown away thanks to the Dial Arches’ loathsome kitchen activities.

All of these tear-jerkingly abominable bits of what was once meat were soaked in a frankly distressing mud-brown gravy which had the gelatinous texture of snot but was nowhere near as tasty. If I ever take up smoking to such an extent that my phlegm goes brown I’d venture I could make a few quid selling brown mucus to the Dial Arch to stretch their gravy. It truly was a loathsome fluid of detestably powerful emetic value.

Then came the horrors of what were their roast potatoes (right). I’m sure a boozer cannot afford to cook all of their roast potatoes in goose fat, but with these any form of cooking would be an improvement. They were so under-done that not only had they failed to colour but also the soft, pliable outside was astronomical units removed from the crunchy crust that makes the roast potato experience a delight. No fluffy inner to them either, they were dense and heavy all the way through. Simply barely-cooked potatoes, it seemed, rather than anything one might extract pleasure from eating.

I suppose I rarely get served such foulness these days, but I didn’t welcome the experience. Indeed, I am staggered that someone can cook and sell meals so actively nasty with not the slightest hint of embarrassment or shame. Could it be that the Dial Arches’ kitchen is used as the venue for Woolwich’s coprophiliacs’s Sunday afternoon get-together? This food was undoubtedly shit.

Contact details: The Dial Arch, Major Draper Street, Royal Arsenal, Woolwich, SE18 6GH. Telephone 020 3130 0700.

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Anyway, last night the Elitistreview team (Daniel and me) trekked into the City to meet Richard for sushi. We were all very much of the opinion that Burgundy would suit sushi best of all and so the three of us slurped, swilled and swallowed our way through five bottles of the ambrosial nectar. I say ‘ambrosial’ but there were downs as well as ups, most notably a shocking bottle of Groffier that so failed to live up to its exulted provenance that we all agreed it would be hard to spot as Burgundy if served blind. Fortunately there was very good stuff as well.

Chablis Premier Cru Butteaux 2000, Domaine Raveneau

I brought this along in a hopeful mindset, not only was there the very real risk that it was prematurely oxidised but also Raveneau wines can often be distinctly, and not entirely pleasantly, weird. As soon as I bring this to my nose I know we have done well. This does not smell like a typical Chablis nose. Sure, there is some lemon fruit, a gunflint character (and quite a lot of sulphur if you want the unvarnished truth) but there is one hell of a lot more than that. It has a slightly damp character which is more than a tad reminiscent of Savennieres but I’m also getting a broad white fruit aroma which I could easily mistake for white Hermitage. It is incredibly complex and has a real nervous energy to it, this nose is asking as many questions of me as I am asking of it. The palate is stunning with a star-bright intensity that is blazing its personality across my palate. Its acute concentration may be totally arresting but it is also strikes me as being completely elegant and refined. There are fascinating tensions between the different facets of this wine, and I’m getting one hell of a lot of different facets, but they ultimately work together in a totally convincing style. It may not be the cleanest bottle of Chablis I’ve ever tried but I utterly adore it; it throbs with dimension and clearly has the ability to age and improve even further. Not this bottle, though, we are inhaling its dazzling sophistication and getting through the bottle rather quickly. I bet it would have been even better if I’d have decanted it an hour or so before drinking.

Chambolle-Musigny Premier Cru les Gruenchers 2002, Domaine Fourrier

Pretty pretty, the fruit here is indicative of ravishingly ripe Pinot. There is a hint of buxom character to this nose; well-titted out it might be but there is no denying it is stacked full of screamingly obvious charms. It is not just a fruit bomb, though, there is an elaborate earthiness to it. Yes, I like sniffing this very much. My first taste shows that I am going to like drinking it too. There is a lot of that delicious fruit which is elegantly framed by a silky tannic structure and kept quite vivacious by a reasonable acid level. The earthiness also shows on the palate and it has decent length. This is not the most complex bottle I’ve had from this vineyard, it seems more themed on ripe Pinot fruit than vineyard character, but there is more than enough here to enjoy. How can I fail to enchanted by this little charmer?

Chambolle-Musigny Premier Cru les Amoureuses 1999, Robert Groffier

Bloody hell, does this even smell of Burgundy let alone Chambolle? In my book (The Bumper Book of Dissolute Larks is my book) Chambolle should not smell like an inky, thick Syrah and Chambolle Amoureuses should be distinctly more captivating and gorgeous than this rather severe nose which is utterly devoid of the allure. It is a pretty sad day when people make Chambolle Amoureuses that smells so uninviting; the village and vineyard should be imbuing it with lewdly enjoyable passion. Oh by arse it tastes bloody awful, tough, raw and spiky with nothing to engage the louche lover of happy experiences. This is a travesty of a wine that singularly fails to speak of either its origins or anything of lewd enjoyment value. I find it just to be a tough, unyielding wine of distinct tedium that could be from anywhere. Should you run into M. Groffier do feel free to have a go at him for wasting his plot of this amazing vineyard. I’m going to try and get him sectioned for making this severe, unyielding wine from Amoureuses. Fabulously sub-interest.

Volnay Premier Cru Champans 1996, Comte Lafon

This doesn’t smell short on Volnay elegance and fruit-refinement, not very mature either, it is a rather pretty teenager. There is more refinement in its minerality, but I am not really thinking of this as an amazingly complex wine. It certainly smells pleasing, but my toes remain uncurled due to its sedate personality and my socks not blown off by its slightly shallow character. Lafon reds can often be more than a shade on the burly side, but this seems a smaller-scale wine than most of his offerings I’ve tried. That is not a bad thing, small-scale prettiness can be satisfying but I would really like more sophistication. The best thing about it is that it doesn’t suffer terribly much from 1996 syndrome (acid levels so high the wines are unbalanced) which bodes well for the next wine.

Volnay Premier Cru Santenots-du-Milieu 1996, Comte Lafon

This nose has serious personality, a bold and muscular Volnay which announces it is going to give your tasting apparatus a decent workout when it comes to sniffing and tasting. It is good, though, real concentration and powerful presence which you cannot help but take terribly seriously. That being said, I feel there are limits to how masculine I want my Volnay to be and this smells like it is beginning to push those boundaries. The palate is definitely masculine with a seriously structural whack of tannin. Again this only slightly suffers from 1996 syndrome, the acid is high enough to make this seems lively but just under the level where it would be unharmonious. It tastes satisfyingly complex and, as with the Champans, there is not much in the way of tertiary characters here; it has plenty of ability to keep on ageing. I do like this, quite a lot actually, but I’d prefer it a hint less butch and slightly more pronounced in sex-tastic character.

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