The BBC News website have picked me out as their favourite antipsychotic user. It is not a very happy story, alas, but sadly it is all true. After waking up with bad dreams, which just happened to be about the first time I was sectioned when I lost my marbles, I dropped by the BBC News website on my phone – I think this might be it for the night’s sleep…

There is good news, and I’m pleased they included that I find antipsychotics worth taking. Thanks to medication, some talking therapies and the support of family and friends I am a lot happier now. OK, I had a slip when I tried to kill myself on Christmas day 2010, but I’m no longer a regular guest in the loony bin. Recent medication I’ve been put on has really helped with my sleep and general anxiety levels, and I’m trying something that could help with my side effects. The medical care here in Winchester is incomparably better than the awful treatment I got in Woolwich. And the BBC included a picture of me looking dashing!

There are undoubtedly a lot of problems with antipsychotic medication. A lot have simply done nothing for me and, as I said in the piece, being un-medicated is intolerable. The drug that did me the most good, Clozapine (which, due to its rare side effects, is the last resort antipsychotic given when not much else helps), dealt with most of my symptoms but after about six weeks damaged my heart and gave me incredible chest pains. It was terrible – the drug had helped me so much and suddenly it was killing me and I had to stop. If I may crack an awful joke, I was heartbroken.

Abilify made me wildly energetic but also stopped me from sleeping entirely. After a couple of weeks I was incoherent with mania, tried to kill myself and ended up in the bin again. Amisulphride also made me incredibly anxious and I refused to leave the house until the men in the white van came calling.

Pretty much everything has made me drool, twitch and have muscle pains and stiffness. Some of this might be dealt with by the new drug I’m on but for some people these effects can continue even after they’ve stopped antipsychotics entirely. I haven’t been able to ‘raise the flagpole’ in years, which may be something to do with why this site is so completely obsessed with sex.

Despite all that, if you have a psychotic illness, as I do, the medication is definitely worth taking. Life is too horrible without it. Not everyone has to take it for long, and certainly not everyone is as sensitive as me when it comes to getting side effects. It may take a couple of attempts to find the drug that works for you, but antipsychotics can be a life-saver and help you deal with the unparalleled awfulness of mental illness.

Don’t let the horror stories put you off: take the medication – it’ll keep you alive and happier.

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When one starts thinking about super-elite producers like Domaine Dujac it is easy to get carried away with the heights of their vinous production. This Chambolle village from their negociant operation shows they are capable of the very highest quality across the board, even in less fashionable vintages.

For those who don’t know, Dujac Fils & Pere is the part of Domaine Dujac that uses brought in grapes. Even though they don’t own the vineyards the Dujac team control every bit of the viticulture and harvesting so the wines are Dujac in all but name. They certainly don’t lack for quality and, for those of us who like to drink good things frequently, they don’t leave your bank account in need of a hyperbaric chamber.

Chambolle-Musigny 2007, Dujac Fils & Pere

A supremely pretty nose of lovely, elegant fruit and svelte earthiness. The fruit is ripe raspberries with a bit of blackberry in the family lineage; highly attractive. It is charged with life and vim, really speaking of Chambolle in terms of aroma profile. It smells just the tits, man, I bloody love it. The palate has plenty of bright, fresh fruit, good acidity and a really polished, silky tannic structure. Good mineral complexity and it has decent length. Incredibly elegant and remarkably enjoyable to drink. And that is what it is all about, eh? Being nice to drink. This is elegant and refined, with good complexity and length, but I just want to sit back and enjoy my glassful with a satisfied smile on my face. Lovely.

Non-newscasted readers may recall I had another 2007 Chambolle village recently, Christophe Roumier’s, and may want me to comment on which I preferred. That’s asking a lot, I must say! I’m going to start off being evasive and say there is actually little between them stylistically or qualitatively and move on to a firm opinion by saying, unless you have an annual allocation from Christophe at cellar-door prices (I just get two bottles of the Chambolle village a year, bums), I’d go for the Dujac Fils & Pere in a gnat’s heart beat – it’s far more value-mongous whilst being just as cat’s arse quality.

Editor Daniel and I popped this little charmer to have with our dinner, two rib-eye steaks from Woodlands Jersey Beef. They were quite stunning bits of meat, with a great depth of flavour and a remarkably tender texture. Quite spiffing. You can read my review of Woodlands Jersey Beef here, and their online shop is here.

If I may come around to the title of this piece, this morning I was feeling miserable as sin. I had a cold hanging around, I had really bothersome side effects from my medication and I’d had screamingly horrible dreams that I just couldn’t shake the feeling of after I woke up. I’m a sensitive type (there’s nothing wrong with being sensitive) and my day started out badly.

As the day progressed, I got a bit of writing for my book done, I arranged a meal with some new friends, I spoke to my great chum Jeremy on the phone for 40 minutes (sorry for keeping you away from the family, Jeremy) then I shared this marvellous little wine and a wonderful meal with Dani. I’m now incredibly happy and feel the day has been a great success. I cannot honestly say to myself I’ll sleep like the dead tonight and start off tomorrow feeling on top of the world, but for now, I’m a happy little bunny. Hooray! We should revel in the good moments when they come along.

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Normally at this time of year I’d be bragging about how vaguely popular Elitist Review is and indulge in some stat-porn. However, I changed hosting providers in March and the new hosting company lacks the brilliant AWStats that kept telling me how many kind readers dropped by. With the less good webstats software I now use it appears I’m still getting thousands of visitors a month, but it doesn’t catch my RSS readers and it often goes completely on the blink. So no stat-porn.

I would like to take this opportunity, at the start of a new year, to express my thanks for all those who have been so supportive last year (and every year for along time). At the start of 2009 I was screamingly insane, not thinking I deserved wine and generally minutes away from committing suicide. Things were amazingly difficult in January and February, I was so unhappy and needed two trips to the loony bin. However, thanks to psychotherapy, medication and, most of all, the help from those who care about me, things have become more under control. 2009 was the year my health problems turned around, 2010 is a new year for feeling better again and I hope when my friends see me in future it’ll be happier and easier for them too. Thanks, boys and girls!

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Yesterday I popped some rather good wines for a lunch party. Bille Cuvee N-F 1996, Donnhof Schlossbockelheimer Kupfergrube Spatlese 2002, Meusault Charmes 2000 from Lafon, Rene Engel Echezeaux 1999, Burguet Gevrey Mes Favourites 2003. And The Kid brought a bottle of Beaucastel 1998. Guess how much of these I swallowed? None. Bugger.

I’ve caught a stomach bug and eating and drinking have been making me explosively ill. I sniffed and had small tastes (which I spat), but I was generally feeling too ropey to make comprehensive assessments of each wine. However, I offer some thoughts.

Lafon’s Meursault seemed up for drinking. Not that oaky at all with great harmony. There was one hell of a lot to love in this wine. Peter ‘The Kid’ who claims not to like Lafon’s wines just lapped it up.

The Echezeaux started a bit closed and not very giving. The palate also seemed a bit tough. However, we decanted it and left it for a while. It blossomed into a refined, elegant, sculpted model of beauty with real Grand Cru presence. The fruit was ultra sophisticated and mega lovely. Rest in peace, Philip Engel, you’ve provided so much pleasure.

The Burguet Gevrey Mes Favourites was an intense experience, but the balance was just fine. I got this to see what my mother thought of 2003 red Burgundy and she was impressed. I was impressed, for a village wine this was really quite complex with one hell of a long finish. Not the most extreme example of 2003 wine, but with plenty of personality to keep you intereted.

Finally there was The Kid’s bottle of Beaucastel 1998. It had a wonderfully soft, scented nose of grilled meat, plummy fruit and some peppery spice. Really earthy. Hilariously complex, but no shit at all. This is one of the cleanest Beaucastel nose’s I’ve experienced. I think all that Bret in Beaucastel makes for a lot of bottle variation. I’ve had massively shitty bottles of this. The palate was also scented and soft, with a refined tannic structure and plenty of fruit. Again, I’ve had Beaucastel 1998 recently and it has been a lot more closed and tough than this bottle. This was a totally fantastic bottle of wine: beautiful and charming, interesting and thought-provoking.

And I couldn’t bloody drink any of it. Pissflaps.

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Insomnia is plaguing both the partner and myself. He suggested the following guest article.

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