David's diatribes » Rants

Parker's Wine Buyer's Toss

The perversion that is scoring wine

People giving points to wine is admittedly such an easy target to destroy it is like going dynamite fishing in a barrel. Additionally, I am sure I have raged about it on Elitistreview before. However, a memory cropped up this morning that I thought was quite instructive, and it allows me to wallow in the […]


Dani and Davy at the Bangkok Brasserie

Quickie: How to order food at a Thai restaurant

Today marks the thirteenth anniversary of the first restaurant meal I shared with The Editor after he moved to London the previous day. I could not dine with him that day as I had been detained in a loony bin and I was not allowed out until The Editor came and soothed my doctor’s nerves […]


Quickie: Schizophrenia Awareness Week

I’m a bit late on this (as I have been ill…) but this week until tomorrow is Schizophrenia Awareness Week. Rethink, the charity I’ve given talks in such places as the Houses of Parliament for, have produced this document to help raise awareness of the disorder. If you cannot be bothered to read the whole […]


Davy relishing a prawn

Elitistreview’s eighth anniversary dinner at The Bangkok Brasserie

Elitistreview is eight years today and, my, how it has blossomed into an artfully sculpted youth. I admit that before I had a course of Cognitive Behavioural therapy for psychosis in 2009 the posts were all too often often awkward and desperately unhappy, but since then the jokes have got a lot better. I have […]


Hell isn't other people, it's my mind

No holidays. None. Ever.

I originally wrote this piece for a minor publication and, having just re-read it and then tried to stiffen my upper lip, I thought it worthy of a wider and more enlightened audience. Luckily, with Elitistreview I have an organ of enormous proportions and great appreciation at my very fingertips. It is not about food […]


Driving to Burgundy

I seek the help of a kind reader

UPDATE: I have solved my problem. Many thanks to all who offered to help!  wondered if one of you, my valued readers, might be able to help me out with a problem. The editor has revealed the full horror of our financial malposition and in order to avoid getting evicted I need to sell my […]


Domaine Chandon de Briailles Saigny-les-Beaune Premier Cru Lavieres 2009

Savigny sanity strategies

Long time readers will know the 24th of January is when I hide most of the day in bed and write a miserable tasting note that wouldn’t fool a deaf and blind whelk into thinking I’m enjoying myself. This is because today is the anniversary of me first slashing my wrists in the bath and […]


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Student Davy’s wizard weight-loss wheeze

Someone just reminded me of the idea that, as a doctoral student, I thought would bring me fame and glory – a dead-easy method of losing weight. You can ask your doctor about this and they should be clued-up enough to know it would work, even if they don’t know precisely how effective it would […]


Aspall Imperial Cyder

This calls for RAW BOOZE!

I have some ultimately trivial but distinctly vexatious illness, consequently I am drinking raw booze in order to stop whining to The Editor. Hopefully it will put me to sleep until the cricket starts, or at least help me be generally jolly and crack increasingly weird jokes as my alcohol/blood ratio increases. This cider clocks […]


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Woodlands Jersey Beef Ox Roast

Last week we attended the Woodlands Jersey Beef ox roast and jazz event – it was one of the best beef, and least London-like, experiences of my life. I had a simply cracking night out. The only problem with the evening was that it was so extremely un-London, in an open barn with four dim […]

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