UPDATE: I have solved my problem. Many thanks to all who offered to help! wondered if one of you, my valued readers, might be able to help me out with a problem. The editor has revealed the full horror of our financial malposition and in order to avoid getting evicted I need to sell my [...]
Long time readers will know the 24th of January is when I hide most of the day in bed and write a miserable tasting note that wouldn’t fool a deaf and blind whelk into thinking I’m enjoying myself. This is because today is the anniversary of me first slashing my wrists in the bath and [...]
Someone just reminded me of the idea that, as a doctoral student, I thought would bring me fame and glory – a dead-easy method of losing weight. You can ask your doctor about this and they should be clued-up enough to know it would work, even if they don’t know precisely how effective it would [...]
I have some ultimately trivial but distinctly vexatious illness, consequently I am drinking raw booze in order to stop whining to The Editor. Hopefully it will put me to sleep until the cricket starts, or at least help me be generally jolly and crack increasingly weird jokes as my alcohol/blood ratio increases. This cider clocks [...]
Last week we attended the Woodlands Jersey Beef ox roast and jazz event – it was one of the best beef, and least London-like, experiences of my life. I had a simply cracking night out. The only problem with the evening was that it was so extremely un-London, in an open barn with four dim [...]
The BBC News website have picked me out as their favourite antipsychotic user. It is not a very happy story, alas, but sadly it is all true. After waking up with bad dreams, which just happened to be about the first time I was sectioned when I lost my marbles, I dropped by the BBC [...]
I wish to discuss the truly important character of food and drink: pleasure. I will illustrate this with a meal at a branch of JD Wetherspoon. This article is probably going to vex many readers, but it is probably the most important thing I’ve written on Elitistreview. A lot of people assign moral, political and [...]
Going into most wine shops is to be assaulted with a torrent of the well-made but utterly dreary and unmemorable dross that floods the wine world at the moment. I don’t give a tinkers cuss about all those weird appellations from Southern France, Chile or the Cook Islands – they are all the same and [...]
You don’t have to live in France to be proud of your local cheese; with Lyburn Farmhouse Cheesemakers down the road we Hampshire Hogs can love our local curd too. It’s all made from the milk of their own cows that they treat with care and they are not Cheddar. Unsurprisingly, we found Lyburn at [...]
I have mentioned natural wines in passing on this site and I think those mentions have made it clear I have little time for the arseho… erm… ‘movement‘, but there have been a couple of spirited defences from respectable writers and I feel some direct comment is in order. Eric Asimov of the New York [...]
View my Facebook profile