Make me a happy three year old

Things haven’t been great recently. Lowering my dose of antipsychotics caused serious mental health issues which still are not fully resolved. The resultant epic anxiety and paranoia has affected my physical health – I’ve been blowing bits like you would not believe. I’m thoroughly sick of having aged into a schizophrenic collection of maladies.

I will wear this t-shirt on my birthdayConsequently, I have decided that when my birthday comes along at the end of November I will not be knackered and spent anymore – I will be three years old. Of course, three-year-olds get very excited about birthdays, presents, etc. so I have prepared a wish list of gifts that will suit every age I exist at: here is the list of gifts I’m after.

Even though I know I have a large and loyal readership I don’t expect too many of you will want to shell out for a three-year-old’s happiness. Consequently, maybe this gift list will only be of use to family members who feel obliged to get me a pressie rather than have to witness too much of my paranoid schizophrenia.

However, the items I’ve chosen on my list are things I genuinely want or need. As such, if any members of my large and loyal readership would like to learn a little more about the soon-to-be three-year-old who provides such royal entertainment via this organ, then looking at the list might provide some small interest.

Anyone who does send me a gift will be publicly thanked, of course. If someone sends any of the wizard clothes I’ve picked then photos of me modelling them will appear here. I’ll even model the training pants if you like.

So have a look at my wish list, learn a little about me and, if you think three-year-olds should be rewarded for writing brilliantly erudite and side-splittingly funny websites whilst dealing with insanity, then buy me a gift. You’ll put a smile that’s been absent for too long back on my cherubic visage.

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